7 Ways to Love Your Husband

Whether you are married or may get married in the future, we all think we love our husbands well. But how do we really show that we love them? Love is sacrificial. Sometimes we must deny our own needs to take care of the one who God gave to us. This is not putting ourselves down or allowing ourselves to be treated like a doormat. It is showing love and servanthood like Jesus did when He washed His disciples’ feet. And He calls all of us to love others that way, especially our spouses.

A lot of the time, we show love how we want to be loved. But men are different than we are. That’s a shocker, huh?! Sometimes as women, we expect to get romantic gestures from our husbands that show they love us, but we don’t always show love to our husbands in the way they need. I learned a lot on how to love my husband better from books like this one and this one. {These are affiliate links which means if you make a purchase through the link, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. This helps support the mission of this blog.}

In no particular order, here are seven things I have learned that we can do to show our husbands we love them in a way they will understand and appreciate:

Give him space.

Let him chill out when he’s had a long day at work without talking his ear off. Yes, we want to talk to our husbands when they get home, but they need to decompress. Let him start the conversation. Ask him about his day but don’t be pushy. He may need to unload what has happened to him before he can listen to your stories, but he may also just need silence for a while. Also, if you have an argument, silence can be good for him. His being quiet may actually be to protect you from hurtful words. He is showing control. So respect his space. I promise you he will eventually open up, sometimes sooner than you would expect.

Spend time with him doing something he enjoys.

Men bond over doing activities together, but women bond talking. Sometimes we need to be quiet though and just be with our husbands doing something he enjoys. My husband enjoys fishing and that’s not something I normally would like to do. But I go with him and I just spend time with him without trying to talk much. If you start viewing the activity as a way to show love to your husband and seek to bond with him that way, you won’t be as bored even if it’s something that you really don’t enjoy. I find I actually do enjoy going fishing with my husband and I feel like we have bonded in a way even if we didn’t sit and talk the whole time. Another thing my husband loves is football. I try to watch games with him without asking too many questions. I’m a work in progress on that one, but I went to my first college football game with him last year and we both had a blast! (Oh, and we WON!)

Fight the desire to nag.

If he forgets to take the garbage out or throws his dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper, fight the urge to nag him about it. Instead, do the task yourself out of sacrificial love for him. It really doesn’t take long and we will be rewarded for our faithful service as if we’re doing it for God, even if no one else notices. If he really does not contribute at all, calmly and rationally have a discussion with him and ask him for help without being condescending. More often than not, they just don’t notice that it affects us so much, but when we’re honest and nice about it, most likely they will help us. Also keep in mind how much he does do. For instance, both my husband and I work full-time, but his job is many more hours than mine AND he has a long commute each day when mine is super short. So the limited amount of time he’s actually at home each day, he doesn’t need to worry about household chores.

Attend to his physical needs.

Sometimes men need sexual attention more than women, so you must try to meet his needs because you are the only one who can. But sometimes women want to be intimate more often than their husbands. When that happens, respecting his lower libido can be a way to show love to him as well. He may be just exhausted from his job or stressed out and not able to attend to your needs at the moment. Try offering to rub his back to help relax him and see if that opens the door to more intimacy. Also, if you’re the one with the lower libido, ask him to do that for you and see if it works. 😉

Be his helper.

God created woman to be a companion and a helper to her husband. That’s an important job! That is not to say that women are only here to serve our husbands. Serving in love is what we are all called to do as Christians. Sometimes we don’t realize the stress our husbands carry and the burden they have for providing and caring for their family. God gave him that responsibility and it can get tough for him, so offer to help him in any way that you can. I like to make breakfast for my husband most mornings. He works long shifts and has to be up super early most days, so it helps him out so that he isn’t rushed in the mornings. It also gives us a little time together before he goes to work.

Don’t expect him to be someone he is not.

If he is uncomfortable in crowds, don’t push to get him to go to large gatherings. If he would rather watch television than read a book, don’t keep buying him books and urging him to read them. We should never go into a relationship thinking we can change him, and once we are already married, we must not try to. If he’s one that likes to crack jokes and make people laugh, don’t expect him to be Mr. Serious all the time and vice versa. Love him as he is, and if there is something that really gets on your nerves, pray about it. Sometimes I find that God changes me and how I see my husband instead of changing something about him that gets on my nerves. So the issue I thought was his, was really an issue with my heart.

Pray for him.

This should really be the number one thing we do for our husbands. Pray that God would bless him, protect him, give him fulfillment in his work, draw him close to God’s heart, etc. If there is an area in your husband’s life that you feel doesn’t line up with God’s standards, ask God to work on him and to use you to be an example, not a mouthpiece. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict him. It is our job to love him. Constantly hounding him about an issue, even if it is serious, can be more detrimental to your relationship with your husband and it might possibly push him further from God. That doesn’t correct the issue at all. Always show grace and love, have patience, and continue to pray no matter what. God is still in the business of changing hearts. (If a spouse is being abusive, this is a different issue than I am covering. You should be sure you and your children are safe while you continue to pray for him.)

I hope all these things can help you to love your husband even more. God gave him to you and no one else, so love him well. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, a process that shapes us into who God has called us to be. I am learning in this process and will admit that the things I mentioned are hard to do sometimes, but God has called us to sacrificially love our husbands like He loves them. We must keep our focus always on the Lord and then, and only then, can we truly love our husbands.

 

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8 comments on “7 Ways to Love Your Husband”

  1. Katie says:

    Love this list! My husband is an on the go person while I enjoy my time at home! This gives us both some space to focus on different hobbies and makes our together time that much more special. We don’t neglect our time together by any means, but it is nice to have your own thing too!

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting, Katie!

  2. Laurient says:

    Great tips, especially to fight the urge to nag! Often when I feel like I’m about to go on nagging spree I take a deep breath and list 3 things that about him or that he does that I’m grateful for. That really does put things into perspective. Who cares about a dirty dish in the sink when you have a husband that loves you unconditionally… 🙂

    1. Absolutely, Laurient! Thanks for reading and commenting!

  3. TAnya says:

    Prayer and prayer together even if it is a simple prayer of Lord we need you now is a super helpful place for my husband and I to start and finish . Blessing each other praying when the other can’t all those time you just have no clue what to do next super helpful.

    1. Yes, prayer is super important! Thanks for the comment, Tanya!

  4. Rhonda Swan says:

    Unstoppable info in this post about caring for your husband.

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting, Rhonda!

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